Σάββατο 1 Ιουνίου 2013

Branding yourself as A Writer by J Krueger!

Many of the questions I’ve been getting recently from my students have been about what kinds of scripts young writers should focus on writing.

Is it true that you should start out writing thrillers?  Is it okay to write an indie drama or a movie based on your own life?  Is it true that you shouldn’t write a TV spec script if you’re over 30?  If you’re working on your second script, does it have to be in the same genre as your first one?  Should you write the screenplay in your heart, or the one you think you can sell?

As different as these questions may seem, they all boil down to some common concerns: How do you brand yourself as a writer and communicate exactly what you have to offer to  a producer?  How do you present the right kinds of screenplays to showcase your talent, break through the walls of Hollywood, and get producers to perceive you the way you want to be perceived?  And how do you write the right scripts to launch your career, while holding onto your voice as a writer.

What Hollywood Wants You To Believe

 
It seems like every day, there’s another screenwriting guru offering a different “sure-fire” plan to sell your script.

But the truth is, nobody can tell you how to sell your script.

Hollywood is a fickle lover, whose tastes change by the minute.   What’s popular one moment is out of vogue with the next clock tick.  And anyone who pretends to know different is probably trying to sell you something.

If you’re going to break in, you’re not going to do it by timing the market, pitching some half-baked “commercial” idea, or playing by the same rules everyone else is following.

You’re going to do it by honoring the unique voice that distinguishes you as a writer, writing material that demands the attention of anyone who reads it, targeting the producers who are most likely to respond to you as a writer, and building the long term relationships with them that eventually lead to a sale.

Selling-out is for professionals

 
While it’s true that producers do buy half-baked scripts all the time based purely on their commercial appeal, they don’t buy them from emerging writers like you.

If that’s the game they want to play, they have hundreds of choices of sell-out-scripts from professional writers with existing relationships, and far more impressive pedigrees than yours.

Breaking into Hollywood as an emerging writer means inspiring a producer to take a chance on you.  And it’s far more likely that they’re going to take a chance on a young writer with script they love, than on one more aspiring sell-out with a script they don’t.
 

It all starts with the script

If you think about the most successful writers in Hollywood, they all have one thing in common: a unique and authentic voice that is common to all their writing, regardless of the genre, and distinguishes them from any other writer.

This is the writer’s brand.  Not some external idea that’s imposed on the screenplay, or a hot marketing idea derived from some get-rich-quick book.   But the writer’s unique way of looking at the world, and expressing themselves in words, action and dialogue.

Your brand is inescapable.  Because your brand is you.

 
Think about successful writers like Aaron Sorkin, Quentin Tarantino, PT Anderson, Nora Ephron, Diablo Cody, Charlie Kaufman, Woody Allen or the Coen Brothers.

These writers didn’t choose their voices, artificially brand their voices, or artificially manufacture their voices by following some external formula.  They found their voices by writing the world as they saw it, and writing the movies they wanted to see on the screen, exactly the way they wanted to see them.

Your brand as a screenwriter isn’t some genre aesthetic, or something you impose on your writing to please the fickle tastes of Hollywood.  Your brand is who you are at your most authentic.  The unique way that you see the world.  The things about you that you’re afraid to express to other people.  The things you got picked on for in high school.  The things that are weird, embarrassing, ugly and beautiful about you.

These things—the very things we try to hide away in our everyday lives in our quest to be “normal”—will be the same things that ultimately lead to your success as a writer.  If you can learn to express them honestly on the page.

Learning to write honestly is the hardest challenge.

 
If you’re like most people, since were in second grade, you’ve been taught to do things properly, not to stand out, and to present yourself in a way that is acceptable to other people.  Before long, it becomes so natural for us to subvert our primal impulses and conform to the expectations of society that we don’t even realize that we’re doing it, at every moment of every day.

This urge has probably served you well in your life. If you followed every impulse you had at every moment, you probably wouldn’t have a lot of friends.

But you’ve probably met some people whose true self just seems to shine through a little more brightly.  Who seem to be able to be true to their impulses, even as they get along with the people around them.

And if you’ve spent any time with people like that, you’ll notice how powerfully others are drawn to them, and the lengths perfect strangers go to in order to spend time with them.
 

These are people who have mastered both the art and the craft of life.
 
The art of being true to yourself, and the craft of presenting that truth in a way that others can understand and connect to.

This is also the task of the writer.

Learning a process of writing that reconnects you to your instincts.  And then learning to present those instincts in a form that others can understand.

This is also the art of branding.  Noticing the natural voice, and the natural instincts, that already exist in your writing, and then shaping them into a form that can make producers salivate.
 

Where to begin?

While it may eventually be helpful to your career to have more than one screenplay in the same genre in your library, or to write a project that has obvious commercial appeal, finding your voice as a writer begins with following your passion.

Building a career in Hollywood is a long game.  And in playing that game, you’re going to write a lot of scripts.  Some of them are going to sell.  And some of them are not.  And some of them are going to get passed on when you write them, and then become the hottest thing on the market 10 years later.
 

You can’t control Hollywood.  You can’t even predict it.
 
But you can control yourself.

Avoid the teachers who teach you how to conform to the rules, and seek out the ones that push you to find your own voice and inspire you to bring it to the surface.

Choose the projects you’re desperate to write.  Or the ones you’re afraid of writing.  Because those are the screenplays that are closest to your heart, and to your truth.

Gobble up every bit of learning you can get, and then allow yourself to forget it, so that you can follow your instincts and respond to the unique demands of each individual project, even as you hone your craft as a writer.

Keep writing, and keep pushing yourself, until each script is so true to your vision, and so important to you, that you know it was worth writing whether it sells or not.

Pitch your screenplays to the producers whose work you love, and whose tastes match your own.  And put your focus on the relationship, rather than the sale.

Before long, you won’t have to think about your brand anymore.  Because your brand will find you.  It will be present in every word you write, and shine brightly through your whole library of work, and every interaction you have with a producer.

Τετάρτη 20 Μαρτίου 2013

Meditative Writing, Classes by Jacob Krueger Studio

MEDITATIVE WRITING
With Jessica Hinds
Wednesdays, 7-9pm
6 Weeks
April 10-May 22 (no class May 15)


Learn to tap into your deepest instincts as a writer, and connect to your writing at its creative source. This 6 week series of 2 hour meditative writing sessions will help you break through writers block, so your writing, and unique voice, can flow effortlessly. Designed for writers of all genres, including Screenwriters, Playwrights, Novelists & Short Story Writers.

Price: $350.00

“It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.” – Pablo Picasso

There was a time when creativity was easy—when you were a child, driven by an endless desire to create, and no fear, no judgment, and no internal censor whatsoever.
The goal of meditative writing is to return you to that time, when finding your voice as a writer was as easy as being yourself, and raw creativity flowed as effortlessly as inspiration.
You’ll learn to banish writer’s block forever, find inspiration in an instant, and discover the heart of your story and your characters, by tapping into your own voice as a writer, and your deepest creative instincts.

How Does It Work?


Each session begins with a short guided meditation, followed by a series of carefully crafted meditative writing exercises, designed to transport you out of your everyday life, and connect you to the emotional truth of your story and of your characters.
Over 6 weeks, you’ll build a writing practice that allows you to get your pages flowing at will, recover the joy you’ve always felt with writing, and write from your most connected place every time you sit down with your characters.

 

Who Should Take Meditative Writing?


Whether you are brand new to writing, or a seasoned writer looking to inject energy back into your writing, meditative writing will change your writing life forever.
Designed for writers of all types, including screenwriters, playwrights, poets, novelists, and writers of any other genre, here are just a few of the many benefits of this approach:
  • Uncovering the Real Emotional Underbelly That Drives Great Films
  • Discovering Your True Voice
  • Creating More Provocative Dialogue, Images and Action
  • Developing an “Inspiration on Command” Writing Schedule
  • Injecting Joy Into Your Writing Process
  • Getting in Touch With Your Characters
  • Finding the Heart of Your Story
  • Discovering Theme
  • Natural Subtext
  • Opening Up Your Creative Side
  • Learning How To Write Even When You Can’t Find a “Quiet Place”
  • Connecting Yourself To Your Characters and Story Even If You Are Working On Assignment
  • Writing Cooler, Bigger, More Intense and Compelling Scenes
  • Learning To Love Your Weirdness and Understand Its Value
  • Relaxation
  • Confidence
  • Focus
  • Banishing Writers Block Forever
  • Fun!

Answers To Common Questions


What’s the Difference Between Meditative Writing and Your Other Classes?

Unlike our other classes, which focus on merging the art and the craft of writing, Meditative Writing allows you to put the craft and all your conscious goals as a writer aside for awhile, and concentrate only on connecting to the emotional truth of your writing and your characters.  Each class is devoted entirely to writing exercises, so you’ll leave each time with tons of powerful raw material that you can hone and refine throughout the rest of your writing week.

Can I take Meditative Writing and a Write Your Screenplay Class or Personal Training at the Same Time?
 
Yes, in fact we highly recommend it, and even offer a $100 discount for students who wish to combine meditative writing with any class of 4 weeks or longer or with our Personal Training One-on-One Mentorship Program.  To take advantage of this discount, email us or call 917-464-3594.

What If It Doesn’t Work For Me?
 
Many writers find that their writing is instantly flowing with the very first session of meditative writing.  Others find it more like yoga or learning piano, a practice that requires repetition and patience.   You may find at first that writing in this way for 15 or 20 minutes is enough to get you started… but over time everyone progresses to longer and longer periods of deeply connected writing. You are welcome to discuss your progress with your teacher anytime before or after class.

What is the Guided Meditation Like?
 
The guided meditation used in meditative writing simply requires you to close your eyes and be led through a series of visualizations that will open you up to your subconscious.  You will be awake, aware and totally in control the whole time!

Should I Take This Class Online?
 
Writing classes are about trust, community, and real-time give and take between student and teacher, so we’ve designed our online classes give our online students the same personalized experience as the students in the room.  Our LIVE video stream allows you to see and hear everything as if you were with us in person.  You can even ask questions via our online chat and get them answered instantly by the instructor.  Plus, we keep video-on-demand replays of every session online for a full month after the class ends, so you can watch and rewatch them on your own time and your own schedule.  All you need is a computer and a high speed internet connection.

What If I Have To Miss A Class?
 
As with all courses at Jacob Krueger Studio, you never have to worry about missing a class, no matter how busy your schedule.  Whether you take Meditative Writing in person or online, you’ll have access to unlimited video replays for a full month after the class ends, so you can watch and rewatch anytime, from anywhere in the world, and use these techniques every time you sit down to write.

Τρίτη 5 Μαρτίου 2013

Ντοστογιέφσκι από το Στούντιο του Εσωθεάτρου!

Ο Φιοντόρ Μιχαήλοβιτς Ντοστογιέφσκι, μία από τις σπουδαιότερες μορφές της παγκόσμιας λογοτεχνίας γεννήθηκε στις 11 Νοεμβρίου 1821 στη Μόσχα. Ήταν το δεύτερο από τα επτά παιδιά μιας μεσοαστικής οικογένειας. Αμέσως μετά από τον θάνατο της μητέρας του το 1937, ξεκινά μαζί με τον αδερφό του, σπουδές στη Στρατιωτική Ακαδημία Μηχανικών στην αγία Πετρούπολη, σύμφωνα με τις επιταγές του πατέρα του, συνταξιούχου στρατιωτικού χειρουργού. Παρότι σπουδάζει μηχανικός δεν επιδεικνύει κανένα ενδιαφέρον για τα μαθηματικά αλλά αντίθετα, μεγάλο ζήλο για τη λογοτεχνία. Μετά το θάνατο του πατέρα του, εγκαταλείπει τη στρατιωτική ακαδημία και ξεκινά το συγγραφικό του έργο, αρχικά μεταφράζοντας. Το λογοτεχνικό του είδωλο ήταν ο Honore de Balzac, τον οποίο μεταφράζει στη ρωσική. Το 1846, εκδίδεται το πρώτο του λογοτέχνημα «Ο φτωχόκοσμος» αποσπώντας θετικές κριτικές, ιδιαίτερα από τον φιλελεύθερο κριτικό Βησσαρίωνα Μπελίνσκι που δηλώνει πως «ένας νέος Γκόγκολ εφανερώθη!»

Το 1847 εμπλέκεται στον επαναστατικό σοσιαλιστικό-ουτοπικό  κύκλο Πετρασέφσκι ενώ στις 23 Απριλίου του 1849, συλλαμβάνεται για δράση κατά της πολιτικής του Τσάρου Νικολάου Α, με την κατηγορία της συνωμοσίας. Η ποινή του θανάτου μετατρέπεται σε 4ετή εγκλεισμό, στα κάτεργα του Όμσκ στη Σιβηρία. Οι συνθήκες είναι άθλιες και το 1850 συμβαίνει εκεί η πρώτη καταγεγραμμένη επιληπτική του κρίση. Μετά την αποφυλάκισή του παραμένει για πέντε χρόνια ως στρατιώτης στο 7ο τάγμα στο Σεμιπαλατίνσκ όπου και παντρεύεται το 1857 την Μαρία Ντιμιτρίεβα Ισάεβα.
Η περίοδος που διανύει στη φυλακή είναι καταλυτική για την μεταστροφή των πολιτικών και θρησκευτικών του πεποιθήσεων. Στρέφεται προς την χριστιανική, ορθόδοξη παράδοση και αρχίζει να ασκεί κριτική στους μηδενιστές και στους σοσιαλιστές. Το 1859 επιστρέφει στην αγία Πετρούπολη όπου αρχίζει να εκδίδει μια σειρά εφημερίδων μαζί με τον αδερφό του Μιχαήλ, χωρίς επιτυχία. Ο θάνατος του αδερφού του πρώτα, και της γυναίκας του το 1864, τον συντρίβουν.  Καταστρέφεται και οικονομικά, παίζοντας  τζόγο και πέφτει σε βαθιά κατάθλιψη. Για να ξεφύγει από τους πιστωτές, ο Ντοστογιέφσκι αρχίζει να ταξιδεύει στη Δυτική Ευρώπη και να επισκέπτεται τα διάφορα καζίνο.  Εκεί συνάπτει ερωτικό δεσμό με την Πωλίνα Σούσλοβα, αλλά τελικά παντρεύεται τη νεαρή στενογράφο Άννα Γκριγκόρεβνα το 1867, με την οποία αποκτά δύο κόρες και ένα γιο που πεθαίνει σε παιδική ηλικία.


Στην  περίοδο που ακολουθεί γράφει τα σημαντικότερα έργα του. Επιπλέον μια νέα εκδοτική προσπάθεια της μηνιαίας εφημερίδας «Το ημερολόγιο ενός συγγραφέα» στέφεται αυτή τη φορά με μεγάλη επιτυχία. Διατηρεί φιλικούς δεσμούς με το γνωστό φιλόσοφο Σολόγιοφ. Το 1880 εκφωνεί τον επικήδειο του Πούσκιν. Τα τελευταία χρόνια της ζωής του αποσύρεται  σε ένα θέρετρο λίγο  έξω από την Αγ. Πετρούπολη. Πεθαίνει από αιμορραγία στον πνεύμονα εξαιτίας εμφυσήματος στις 28 Ιανουαρίου 1881, σε ηλικία 60 ετών.


Η ζωή του Ντοστογιέφσκι αποτυπωμένη στο «Έγκλημα και Τιμωρία»

 «Σπάνια μπορεί κανείς να βρει άλλη περίπτωση συγγραφέα που τα γεγονότα και οι περιπέτειες της ζωής του, να είχαν τόσο άμεση επίδραση στη δημιουργία του, όπως συμβαίνει με τη ζωή και το έργο του Ντοστογιέφσκι» έγραφε ο Δ. Σπάθης στο «Θέατρο» το 1966.
Η σύλληψη της ιδέας για το «Έγκλημα και Τιμωρία» είχε γίνει ήδη από το 1864, όταν ο Ντοστογιέφσκι ήθελε να γράψει ένα μυθιστόρημα με τίτλο «Οι μεθυσμένοι» αλλά δεν βρήκε ανταπόκριση από τους εκδότες, στους οποίους το πρότεινε. Αργότερα, σε ένα γράμμα που γράφει από το Βισμπάντεν στον Κάτκοφ, εκδότη περιοδικού, η ιδέα για το μυθιστόρημα έχει πλέον ωριμάσει και ο τελευταίος πείθεται και του στέλνει τριακόσια ρούβλια. Το έργο αρχικά δημοσιεύεται σε συνέχειες σε μια εφημερίδα που ονομαζόταν Ρωσικός Αγγελιοφόρος (Ruskii vestnik) από τον Ιανουάριο μέχρι τον Δεκέμβριο του 1866.
Η ζωή του Ντοστογιέφσκι έχει συνεχή σκαμπανεβάσματα κι αυτό αποτυπώνεται στα έργα του. Άνθρωπος ο ίδιος των παθών –υπήρξε δεινός χαρτοπαίκτης- περιγράφει πολύ εύγλωττα τους ανθρώπους που ενδίδουν στα πάθη τους.  Η πορεία του Ρασκόλνικωφ είναι παράλληλη με αυτήν του Ντοστογιέφσκι. Ο Ρασκόλνικωφ είναι ένας αντάρτης αλλά στο τέλος, μέσω της Σόνιας, παρότι δεν συμβιβάζεται με τον κόσμο ενάντια στον οποίο εξεγέρθηκε, γεφυρώνει ωστόσο το χάσμα που είχε πρωτύτερα ανοίξει. Ο Ντοστογιέφσκι στα νεανικά του χρόνια συμμετέχει σε επαναστατικούς κύκλους, αλλά σε μια ωριμότερη ηλικία αναθεωρεί τις ιδέες του και μεταστρέφεται σε βαθιά θρησκευόμενο άτομο.
 
Το 1865, με τη βοήθεια ενός φίλου αστυνομικού που είχε κάποιες νομικές γνώσεις, γλυτώνει  από κάποιο τοκογλύφο. Οι συζητήσεις λοιπόν με τον πρώτο, τον βοηθούν ώστε να περιγράψει την ανάκριση του Ρασκόλνικωφ από τον Πορφύρη,  και να αποδώσει την ένταση της αστυνομικής ατμόσφαιρας. Άλλωστε, την ατμόσφαιρα αυτή, την είχε βιώσει και ο ίδιος, όταν είχε συλληφθεί για την δραστηριότητά του ως μέλος της παράνομης ομάδας του Πετρασέφσκι. Γνώριζε ακόμα από πρώτο χέρι την εξορία στη Σιβηρία, καθώς έμεινε τέσσερα χρόνια στο κάτεργο του Όμσκ. Από την εποχή που βίωσε το μαρτύριο του κάτεργου, ο Ντοστογιέφσκι διατήρησε ανεξίτηλα στη μνήμη του πρόσωπα και χαρακτήρες που κατοικούσαν μαζί του στην κόλαση της φυλακής.
Για να πλάσει τον χαρακτήρα της Σόνιας χρησιμοποίησε ως πρωτότυπο τη Λίζα, από «τις σημειώσεις από το Υπόγειο». Ο Ντοστογιέφσκι  χρησιμοποιεί επανειλημμένα την ιδέα της αγίας πόρνης στα έργα του, έχοντα πιθανώς ως αρχέτυπο τη Μαγδαληνή. Η μητέρα του πεθαίνει από φθίση, όπως κι η μητριά της Σόνιας στην παράσταση, ενώ η φιγούρα του μπεκρή Μαρμελάντωφ, επαναλαμβάνεται παραλλαγμένη και σ’ άλλα έργα του. Ενδεχομένως, ως πρότυπο να χρησιμοποιήθηκε ο πατέρας του, που φέρεται ότι ήταν αλκοολικός. Σίγουρα, λοιπόν, τα αυτοβιογραφικά στοιχεία βρίθουν στο έργο του Ντοστογιέφσκι και ειδικά στο «Έγκλημα και Τιμωρία».

Σάββατο 16 Φεβρουαρίου 2013

By LeoDiCaprio Foundation related with Creating A Sustainable Future, Leo joins the Jury of the 'Date with History' Contest!

April 17, 2012 - A diverse group of organizations and individuals have joined forces behind the ‘Date With History’ online youth video speech contest, designed to encourage young people from all walks of life and all over the world speak ‘truth to power’ and inspire urgent action from decision makers and leaders gathering at the Rio+20 Earth Summit in Brazil this June.

An open public vote online will determine regional finalists in the speech contest, following which the ultimate winner will be selected by a diverse jury of over 20 individuals. The jury includes more than a dozen respected youth leaders from around the world, Natural Resources Defense Council President Frances Beinecke, UN Foundation President Timothy E. Wirth, actor and environmentalist Leonardo DiCaprio, actor and activist Hayden Panettiere, former Brazilian Environment Minister Marina Silva, Brazilian actor and activist Sergio Marone and even noted high level names such as Jose Maria Figueres, President of the Carbon War Room, Dr. Kandeh K. Yumkella, Director-General, UN Industrial Development Organization and Co-Chair Secretary General's High Level Group on Sustainable Energy for All and UNFCC Executive Secretary Christiana Figueres. The jury also notably includes Severn Suzuki, who delivered a moving speech at the 1992 Earth Summit as a 12 year old and is still remembered as ‘the girl who silenced the world.’

More than 120 Heads of state and government will attend the Earth Summit, in the midst of a convergence of crises unlike any seen in our history. Public pressure may well stimulate attendance by key actors, such as President Obama, who are still undecided about attending. The diverse range of organizations involved in the ‘Date With History’ initiative including TckTckTck, Climate Nexus, the UN Foundation, Music for Relief, the Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC), the Canadian Council of Churches, David Suzuki Foundation and UNESCO Etxea are hopeful that engaging young voices will help to ensure the conference elicits decisive action from governments.
About the Date With History Contest

“Date With History” is organized by the Global Campaign for Climate Action (www.tcktcktck.org), Climate Nexus and the Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC). Contest participants aged 13-30 can upload their 2-3 minute speeches at http://datewithhistory.com or via the Mobli™ app http://datewithhistory.com/mobli (using the category @datewithhistory). Once the submission period has closed on 6 May, the most popular speeches from each region, as determined by the number of votes online, will be shortlisted as finalists. A jury made up of prominent individuals from around the world will review the short list and select a winner on May 15. The winner will travel to Rio and deliver his or her vision in person, have the opportunity to witness events on the ground and engage in activities with youth involved in the official process.

For more information on the contest rules and how to enter, or to access the full jury list, please visit http://DateWithHistory.com. The following language versions are available: Spanish at http://CitaconLaHistoria.com; French at http://RencontrezLHistoire.com; Portuguese at http://EncontroComaHistoria.com

Τετάρτη 13 Φεβρουαρίου 2013

By Pen Densham's "Eyeshot" Powerful Network, 7 Basic Plots for Story Utilities Improving Creativity!

THE SEVEN BASIC PLOTS
BY JOHN LEARY
Every story utilizes one of seven basic plots. They are:
1. Man v (Wo)man
This, the most typical story, is about the man who has an argument with his wife one night over whether she will make his lunch for him to take to work the next day. He likes a turkey sandwich and a piece of fruit.  He has a job but she can’t find one, so he thinks she should make his lunch. He doesn’t realize that she can’t find a job because she is a mean sort of person, and not many people like her. Worse, her face is covered in stains and she doesn’t know how to end conversations in the office. He insists that she make his lunch, not realizing that the cramps she feels when reminded of her unemployment are sharpened by his expectations of subservience. They argue, agendas throbbing like a stubbed toe. At last, too embarrassed to resist further, she makes his lunch while he sits at the kitchen table drinking a beer. That night they sleep in separate parts of their bed. In the morning he wakes up and checks his email before getting into the shower, and sees that he has been asked to take a client to lunch that day. He will not need to take his lunch after all. He feels a rush of tender feelings and guilt, and he is able to share a few of these feelings with his wife. They embrace. She promises him that she will keep his lunch in the refrigerator, safely stored, so that he can take it to work the following day. By the time he returns home from work that evening, his wife has not yet decided whether or not to remove the Ipecac-laden pudding that she tucked between his sandwich and apple. Ipecac is a very strong laxative-purgative.
2. Man v Nature
Wash the car and it rains. Go outside without an umbrella and it rains. Try to have a little vegetable garden in that fenced-off part of the backyard, and the plants get attacked by snails and crows, and then it never rains. Pissed off, you open the refrigerator and a Bengal tiger jumps out. You wrestle it to the death and have a beer. A homebrew you made from plants you gathered around the neighborhood.
3. Man v Environment
 A man eats too much fast food and the growth hormones the hamburger-cattle eat cause him to grow enormous breasts. He wants to open a dry cleaning business in his backyard but the neighbors prevent him because he can’t figure out how to dispose of the cleaning chemicals without infecting the ecosystem. He tries to grow a lawn and his neighbors all offer conflicting advice, so he ends up with the only front yard on the street covered in brown stains. He paints the trim on his garage a brick-red color and one of his neighbors comments that the color looks “like a monkey’s ass.”  One of the neighbor’s kids, a five year old boy, stands in his front yard in his underwear holding his ears, jumping up and down and screaming, for several hours a day. No one seems to complain. Zoning laws can be so arbitrary, so fickle. The man applies for a permit to open a muffler repair shop and the permit board turns him down. Some days, he just wants to cry. This story never has a happy ending. Either the man goes mad and hops up and down on his front lawn holding his ears and screaming, or he becomes just like the neighbors. Exactly like them, down to their fatty white teeth.
4. Man v Machine
Same as #1., but this time the wife is a robot.
5. Man v The Supernatural
The Green Ghoul chases the meddling kids down the staircase, heading right for the trap, but then one of the kids falls backwards and to break his fall he hits the switch on the giant fan and by mistake it goes into High Speed Reverse. This is the fan that was supposed to blow the Green Ghoul along a bubble-laden path, straight into the washing machine. Instead, the fan crashes into the ironing board and the kid and his dog are sitting on the ironing board and they fly out one window and then in through another, and they bump into the Green Ghoul, who steps onto a roller skate and slides all the way across the room to where he crashes into a suit of armor. The kids grab the Green Ghoul and unmask him to reveal Mr. Shipley, the owner of the “haunted” amusement park.
6. Man v Self
A man finds that whenever the NASDAQ 100 is going to have a positive day, he wakes in the morning with his left ring finger engorged with blood, so much blood that he can not bend it. The same thing happens whenever the American National Security Advisor appears in a television commercial or video. After much trial and error, he realizes that the only way he can cure this affliction (which, through a complicated series of introspective scenes, is revealed to be a metaphor for “modern life”) is by doing something that is explained in graphic detail with his daughter’s Little Mermaid action figures. Every night under the bedcovers, he plays and sings sea-songs softly. Then one night his wife and daughter surprise him!  It’s an intervention!  He breaks down and sobs, “I can’t help it. I hate myself.”  His wife and daughter want to put him into a treatment center, but the doctors there prod him with felt-tipped needles and stereo wire. Self-loathing and afraid, he flees and becomes notorious; he spends many years on the road having mild adventures. Toward the end of the story, he appears at his daughter’s college graduation. She recognizes him and kicks him in the shins. Stories like this can be exciting, if told well. Toward the end of one of these well-told stories, the man will spend some time alone in the woods or a hotel room “looking deep inside himself.”  If the book is particularly well done, the end of each chapter will feature bullet-pointed “lessons” that can be applied to your everyday life.
7. Man v God
Every day, the man whose wife makes lunch for him also drives him to the train station before taking their two sons to school. Some mornings the boys tell their father the dreams they had the night before. Sometimes the wife joins in. One particular morning, Son #1 says, “Daddy, last night I dreamed that you were being unfair to Biscuit. You said that Biscuit was taking up too much of your time and you hated walking him and feeding him every night. You said he stole the Sports page out of the paper every morning and told you the baseball scores when you took him for a walk. So you sold him to a dog-carnival without telling us.”   The man’s wife shares her dream from the night before: “I was at school taking pictures of the kids and there were some other camera crews there and they had very nice cameras – yes, ours is very nice too; I know you spent seven days of internet research choosing it – but then I lost ours and I couldn’t find it anywhere. I didn’t know how to tell you because I knew you’d be mad so I stayed at school. I stayed there all night.”  Son #2 then says to his father, “In my dream we went out to dinner at Chirpy’s like we did last week and you got really mad at the waiter like you did last week and this time in my dream you beat up the waiter but this time the waiter was Jesus so you beat up Jesus.”  The man gets out of the car at the train station. Listening to the dreams has left him shaken. He can barely climb onto the train when it arrives. His self-image is torn and jagged – he had considered himself a kind, sensitive man, but suddenly wonders if the world perceives him as an ogre. The train passes through a tunnel and he catches his reflection in the window and turns away. His hands are shaking. He is hypoglycemic and he is shaking. He grabs his lunch box, seeking something to calm his stomach, calm his bloodstream. He opens his lunchbox: Pudding!